I dont like the feeling of being a failure
I’m gonna try writing in this blog every day from now on, so that at least I get a daily reality check. It’s also like I’m talking to a therapist.
For the last 5 months, I’ve been so unproductive. There is max 1 day in a week where I feel slightly proud of myself. I’m looking for validation everywhere. And I miss that feeling of accomplishing anything. It’s not like I don’t have work to do, it’s just that I’m not getting it done. And I hate the feeling of being a failure. I dont wanna be a failure, but I’m feeling more and more like one.
And this failure is not just work related, it’s about my love life as well. It’s been so long since I’ve been with someone. The girls from Hinge don’t seem that attractive anymore. And the thing I’m hating more about myself is that I’m feeling jealous of my friends. Why should their success pinch me this way? I should be happy for them, but the feeling’s just not there. Maybe this means I’m a bad friend? I don’t show it but that’s the way I feel. The seeking validationo problem also comes here. I keep on doubting myself while talking to girls. I always keep on thinking, hey if I do this maybe they she like me. Why doesn’t the feeling “You’re good enough” come to me? Which objectively thinking, I am. But I have no proof of success in this field.
Every time I feel sad, I start writing something like this. I never really do something about it. I feel sad for a couple of days, forget about it and move on to the same old habits. That’s why I want to start doing this everyday now. So that I dont forget this feeling, and don’t give up. I would hate myself more than anything if I don’t acheive what I’m capable of. And I’m capable, I know that.
My priorities right now -
- I wanna be in a relationship, not just with any girl but with someone whom I really like.
- Professional Success - It has been so long since I have anything I can proubly say I’ve achievevd. Need to make a Youtube channel to promote my SAAS, which I’ve delayed for so so many months now. Need to add features to my software, which I know are pending for months now. Market it seriously.
Funny that the song playing right now has the lyrics - Just sat in self pity and cried in the car Describes me perfectly today.
Mood Today - 1/5 Motivation Today - 2/5 Any Accomplishments - No